Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
