what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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