You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
