He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
