ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
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the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize