dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
