o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize