Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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