i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize