you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
