the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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