i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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