someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
