The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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