ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
