I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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