College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
