He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
