a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
