I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
