We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
