I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
