God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize
