So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
