I hope mine doesn't look like that
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
