you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
