you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
