we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
