Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
