glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
