jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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