tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I think I am morally bankrupt
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize