Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
