Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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