Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
