you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once