Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
