I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
