dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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