Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
