i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
