fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
