she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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