The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
