i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
How external is "for external use only"?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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