I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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