so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
