Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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