I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
