So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
