Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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