Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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