ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
