I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
