I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
