yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actions speak louder than pants.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize