my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
