If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
